What's up with these giant new ships?

By Rob Lovitt - Travel writer

Hey cruisers! Are you bored with bingo? Had enough of art auctions and pain-inducing performances of Eye of the Tiger? Not to worry. Over the next few months, the cruise industry will roll out some of the most innovative ships to hit the high seas since the RMS Olympic set sail in 1911 with a swimming pool and Turkish bath.

Of course, even the newest onboard amenity will eventually become old hat, which is why the cruise industry is always on the lookout for the next big thing. Read on to see some of the latest additions and a few more wed like to see.

Coming soon to a cruise ship near you
Celebrity Equinox: If youve ever wandered around a cruise ship and found yourself thinking, boy, I could really go for a glass-blowing demonstration right about now, Equinox is for you. Launched two weeks ago, the 2,850-passenger ship has its very own hot shop, staffed by artists from the Corning Museum of Glass. Im not sure if this is something Celebrity cruisers have been clamoring for; then again, how many times can you watch the kitchen crew turn cantaloupes into cartoon characters?

Carnival Dream: Making her maiden voyage next month, the 130,000-ton, 3,652-passenger Carnival Dream will be the lines largest and most innovative ship. Among its amenities, guests will find a waterpark with a four-story slide, hot tubs cantilevered over the water and a two-deck miniature golf course.

The ship will also feature cabins with so-called cove balconies a few decks above the waterline. Designed to provide an up-close-and-personal view of the water, theyll be equipped with weather doors that can be sealed if the view gets too close and/or personal during high seas. Pity if the waves got big enough, you could have your very own Finding Nemo Submarine adventure.

Oasis of the Seas: Maybe they should call it Moasis of the Seas because its got mo of just about everything. At 220,000 tons, this Royal Caribbean behemoth (launching in December) is so big, it features seven neighborhoods, 2,700 cabins and space for 6,300 passengers (with all beds filled). On a weeks cruise, the towel animals alone would constitute one of the worlds great animal migrations.

The heart of the ship will likely be the Boardwalk, a floating throwback to the seaside piers of old, complete with carousel, carnival games and a zip line high overhead. Alas, there wont be a funhouse or freak show sorry, kids, no bearded lady or human pincushion and frolicking under the boardwalk la The Drifters wont be an option.

Worse yet, Oasis will be hitting the high seas minus at least one proposed amenity: an aerostat or tethered-blimp ride designed to let passengers float through the sky high above the ship. Apparently, the lighter-than-air craft lived up to its name during testing after it became untethered and drifted away. Apparently, Oasis passengers who want to slip the surly bonds of the ship will have to fall overboard just like everybody else.

The real fun begins beyond the railings
Nevertheless, I think the folks at Royal Caribbean deserve credit for thinking outside the boat, and Im sure theyve got some other exciting ideas up their sleeves. After all, someone has to keep the zing in cruising, which is why I offer the following ideas to them or any other cruise line gutsy enough to put them in place:

99 Loftballoons: Aerostat, schmaerostat. Why mess around with cables and winches when all you really need is a deck chair and some helium balloons? A similar system worked just fine for Lawn Chair Larry Walters, who sailed 11,000 feet over Los Angeles in 1982, and for the dozens of imitators who have taken flight since. Needless to say, there are logistical problems with untethered flight at sea, but its nothing a pellet gun and well-deployed lifeboat cant handle.

Cruise-ship catapults: Sure, a zip lines a lot of fun, but for a real thrill, how about a catapult? Simply keep your life jacket from the muster drill, climb into the bucket and awaaaaayyyyy you go! (Again, make sure they deploy a lifeboat before you sign the waiver.) This would also come in handy for those insufferable types who cant wait their turn when disembarking. In a hurry? Step right up.

Wipeout at sea: If you can recreate American Idol and The Newlywed Game on board, why not Wipeout, the summer hit in which contestants tackle an obstacle course of spinning disks, sweeper arms and other hazards above a pool of muddy water? Set it up on a platform aft of the fantail; position a few more lifeboats to scoop up the losers, and get ready for the biggest belly flops youve ever seen.

Would that be awesome or what? In fact, with a big enough ship with enough onboard activities, youd never have to cruise anywhere at all.

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